-
QUESTION # 3: WHO’S COMPLAINING NOW
Dear Useless Men,
My mom drives me crazy. She is constantly whining that I don’t call her, even though she calls me 3 times a day. She doesn’t give me a chance to call her even if I wanted to! She’ll call just to complain that I don’t call. And when she does call, she just complains about her hemmorhoids, sinuses, or other aches and pains. So, why would I want to call and just hear complaining? What should I do?
Signed,
Momma’s daughter
Dear Momma’s Daughter,
I can relate. My Dad does this to me. He is useless. It must run in the family.
What I found that worked for me, is I started randomly calling my father three times a day, at work, at home, during his favourite TV show. When I called, he never had anytime to talk. I complained to him about not talking.
Now I don’t give HIM a chance to call.
Besides, she could be doing worse… she could be using the unannouunced visitation technique. I didn’t need a visual on those hemmorhoids Momma.
And based on your list of complaints, it is clear to assume that her sinuses may have been infected by her hemmerhoids, which in order to have done so would have contorted her in some way to cause aches and pains. Please, get her a doctor or at least a hand held mirror.
What kind of daughter are you? Not that I’m complaining…
Sincerely,
One Useless ManIf you found this advice useless, please comment in our therapy session, available here.
-
QUESTION # 2: REPEAT REPEAT
Dear Useless Men,
Why do I have to repeat myself every time I talk to my husband? Repeating myself is my biggest pet peeve. I often tell my husband that every time I repeat myself to him, the closer I get to murdering him. Still, he keeps asking me the same question(s) over and over. Does he want to die? Does he want me to kill him?
Please HELP. Please HELP.
Love,
Sandy
Love,
Sandy
Dear Sandy Sandy,
Clearly your husband is useless. I can relate.
“Does he want to die?” I would if my wife repeated everything to me all the time. I figure that the more times you repeat things, the shorter his life will seem. It’s like his free will is being sucked right out of him.
Understand, men just want to please. If they please their spouse, life is so much easier. Even if you feel that his demise is worth an extended stint in the joint, it just seems wrong to end it.
Men ask over and over again, because usually, as soon as a man THINKS he knows what to do or where something goes, his partner has changed the answer. It’s always safer to ask again instead of getting the cold shoulder for putting the Jello-mold in the wrong cupboard.
If you have exhausted this effort, perhaps you could try the following steps.
1) When he asks you a question that you have repeatedly answered before, answer with, “I’ve told you once.”
2) When he begs off that you haven’t, or he’s forgotten, or the aliens probed that part of his brain and now it doesn’t do well in short term memory situations, encourage him to think it through. Prompt and walk him through the problem solving process.
3) When he tries something, encourage him. Something is better than nothing.
4) Reward good behaviour. It works on hubbies as well as it does to convicts (hint, hint)
Not that I need to remind you of that… Not that I need to remind you of that…
On to other issues in your note: Perhaps you should try other pet peeves. I find laundry and the mis-pronouncation of I-RON very peevie.
Sincerely,
One Useless ManIf you found this advice useless, please comment in our therapy session, available here.
-
QUESTION # 1: CLOTHING KINDNESS
Dear Useless Men,
My husband is constantly leaving his dirty clothes all over the bedroom floor. He comes to bed, late at night, after I’ve gone to bed, and just sheds his clothes whereever they fall. He even does this when I’m awake. I don’t want to pick up after him. How can I make him stop?
Signed:
Tired of stoop and scoop
Dear Mrs. Stoop and Scoop,
Can’t you see the love that your husband has for you by leaving his clothes on the floor? When he comes to bed, after a late night of whatever he does, he doesn’t turn on the light, or make noise to wake you. Out of loving-kindness, he slips out of his clothes and slips into the . This habit probably started after he was yelled at for always waking you up when he came to bed, turned on the lights and made lots of noise. Problem solved.
The picking up of these clothes is a whole other issue. If you want to tell your loving husband that his kindness is useless, then by all means, force him to pick up his clothes. Otherwise, leave them until they crawl themselves to the laundry, or he runs out of articles to wear.
One final solution is to go to bed at the same time. BUT BE WARNED… if he comes to bed with you at the same time, there may be other issues that could arise in this arrangement.
Sincerely,
One Useless ManIf you found this advice useless, please comment in our therapy session, available here.
(Source: uselessmen.blogspot.com)
